Being cool is like being a lady...

... if you have to state it, you aren't. Halle-bloody-lujah, then to David Cameron for ditching the ghastly "Cool Britannia" shtick some latte-sipping acne-ridden over-enthusiastic Blairite teenaged thicko staffer came up with. I struggle with the notion an adult could so demean one's country, so I'll assume it was some teenage activist-turned-advisor.

Ever seen Scooch, the British entry, at Eurovision 2007? I did, and wanted to die. They prompted a good friend, British through-and-through, to contemplate seeking asylum in Russia. Their entry, at least, was just rubbish, rather than rubbish and embarrassing. I blame Scooch on Cool Britannia, and that alone earns this mantra the guillotine.

Lady Britannia isn't meant to be cool, but awe-inspiring and commanding respect. With the exception of dumb idiots, guilt-tripped lefties and Robert Mugabe most of the world sees Britain as a foundation upon which the modern world is built and should be modelled after. It gave the law, industry and development to billions. Its history, values and institutions are an attraction and an inspiration to billions more. 

Cool Britannia sought to demean the heritage of Britain and then market this unsightly shadow of Britain's glory as something "cool". Just like some new fashion "designers" who make pretend they rummaged through a rubbish tip to come up with a look so trashy a charity shop wouldn't take those clothes even new. 

Rule, Britannia! on the other hand is embracing and strengthening this model heritage so that it may shine a beacon where it's dark. In the meantime, it will also attract tourists who want more than wear Union Jack pants, get stoned in Camden Town, sloshed in Manchester and eaten by the Loch Ness monster.

When you see the Union Jack and you don't speak either English or Pushtun, chances are Lady Britannia kicked your ass more often than you kicked hers. Chances are, you will also recognise she is awesome for that very reason, unless of course you are quite dumb, a guilt-tripped lefty or Robert Mugabe.

It follows by logic that Cool Britannia appealed to dumb people, guilt-tripped lefties and Robert Mugabe. Ergo, it belongs in the dustbin, QED. Thank you, David Cameron.